Yes, you did read the title correctly.
So, last night I finished reading The Hunger Games and with the Olympics right around the corner it got me thinking, dangerous I know. Screw the usual events like 100m hurdles, nobody wants to see that. Bring the Hunger Games to London 2012, all of the worldwide countries represented and fighting for the honour of their country but more desperately, battling to save their own lives. How cool would that be!? Would Usain Bolt be as competent throwing a spear than he is at running really fast? Probably. Would Jedward represent Ireland? Almost definitely. Would Caster Semenya, the 800m woman who was ridiculed by claims that she was actually a man, be forced to reveal her true gender? So many questions. Let’s look at this further in depth..
What is The Hunger Games? I hear some of you screaming at your computer screens. Well, The Hunger Games is a story created by novelist Suzanne Collins, and is now a major motion picture. But don’t watch the movie before you read the book, otherwise bad things will happen to you. ALWAYS READ THE BOOK FIRST. Basically, the contestants are forced to compete and are thrown into a jungle like arena and pretty much anything goes. There can only be one winner, the rest will die. It’s a great read, definitely check it out if you haven’t done so already. But what would happen if The Hunger Games was made reality? Let’s dive deeper.
We’ve already established that Jedward would represent Ireland (Just tell them it’s Eurovision again) and I’d imagine that would be win-win for most. We would enjoy the sheer entertainment of them making themselves look like complete fools again and then finally get to see them brutally murdered. Hooray! I would just hope that they wouldn’t sing to the mockingjays…Although, I guess they could annoy the other contestants to death, that could work.
But who would represent the mighty Great Britain? Immediately, my mind swings to someone like Vinnie Jones. Tough, mean, intimidating, merciless and probably a cannibal. He has all the required attributes, his only doubt being, does he have that survival instinct? Going on survival instinct alone, how about someone like Bruce Forsyth? That man just will not die. I can see it now, he’s just taken six bullets to the chest but laughs it off and replies ‘Nice to see you, to see you nice’ before pulling out a machine gun and firing like a crazed maniac.
David Beckham might be a wise choice. (And I’ve heard he’s available, cheers Psycho!) He could make all the female participants fall in love with him….and most of the males too. Then of course, they would refuse to kill him out of love and Becks would finally lead this nation to glory! First time for everything.
What about Simon Cowell? Although his teeth wouldn’t provide great camouflage. And he would probably spend the majority of time telling people how not to do something. Jimmy Carr? Perfect punishment for his naughtiness as of late. Jordan? She would do anything for fame. But I’d predict that the nation would turn against her and route for the other nations! Piers Morgan? Just for being a douche really. Or, and this is the best one in my opinion, just throw the entire casts of Made in Chelsea, TOWIE and that other show in there. However, that could backfire, being forced to watch them being so stupid could lead to the viewers actually killing themselves because it is so unbearable. Irony at its finest. No one is safe from The Hunger Games.
With all that being said, whoever we choose, we would probably just lose by the bow and arrow shootout. After all, we suck at shootouts don’t we? *Punches wall*
So who would your well earned money be on? I think I’d have to back one of the African nations, solely because they’re not use to eating or drinking anyway…Inappropriate joke? I’m sorry. Plus, you’re never catching a Kenyan in full speed, they can run and run until you die just through chasing after them.
Don’t rule out the Asian nations either, with their ninja like silent assassin tactics, bound to be a threat. And very smart, damn those Asians are smart. Also, I’m sure the big nations would bring a strong bid, most notably USA and Russia.
All in all, what a fantastic competition it would be. And deep down, I just know Lord Sebby Coe wants The Hunger Games at London 2012 too. Too bad, it will never happen. To quote David Cameron ‘it would be highly immoral.’ SIGH.
Well I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Make sure you leave your comments. I want your opinions. Who would win an Olympic based version of The Hunger Games and why? Who would you elect to represent GB and why?
Follow me on Twitter @lanesy15. If you’re not already doing so, why the hell not? I will post all future blog posts on to my Twitter account.
Also, make sure you check out ‘Fifteen Years Ago.’ Or don’t. Whatevs.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008AVNB3Y - UK LINK
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008AVNB3Y - US LINK
Thank you for reading and until next time, goodbye! Wow, that was corny.